Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
