we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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