You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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