No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Oh god it's open bar.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
