I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
