She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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