Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
