Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
