When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
