The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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