How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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