I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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