she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
