i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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