The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
