Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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