We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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