the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
