This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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