So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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