Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i think i just lost a toe
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
