My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
