Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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