i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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