Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
