i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
