A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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