Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
