I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
