On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
