I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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