I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
