If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
