Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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