Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
