Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
