I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
