my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
