Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
