Don't EVER smell your tampon
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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