Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
love makes seman taste better
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
