AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
