i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
