Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm bleeding and have questions
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
