I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
