508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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