I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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