Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Did I show you my penis last night?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
