went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
