I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
