five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
