Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
