the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
