woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
